He Will Give You Rest

Hi Everyone, welcome back to my blog and for those of you that are new, welcome to Girl On A Mission!

Okay, since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to write about Depression and Anxiety. How many of you have suffered from depression or currently suffering from it? How many of you have battled with anxiety or currently battling it? You don’t have to leave a comment if you rather not, but just know you are not alone. I have battled with both. We’ll get to that later on, but for now, let’s look at a couple of definitions for those that may not know much about those two subjects.

Depression: A mood disorder marked especially by sadness; inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.

Anxiety: An abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such a tension, sweating and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with. – Both Definitions came from Merriam- Webster dictionary.

Depression

My experience with depression was sometime in the beginning of 2012. I remember like it was yesterday. December of 2011, I had lost my job and that was the start of what felt like my world was crumbling down. Only thing I could do that day was cry, oh and be angry. Shortly after, I filed for unemployment, which was an ongoing process of itself. While trying to get unemployment benefits, I was out applying to jobs. Between 2012 and mid 2014, there were two jobs that called, but God knew they were not for me. During those two years, my faith was tested hard. 2012 was the year of the “end of the world” according to scientist…well most of us know that God alone knows the day and hour, but I would’ve been relieved if it was (based on how I was feeling at the time). I had struggled so much with faith to the point of almost losing my faith. I doubted God, I questioned his love for me and the more I prayed the further I felt away from him. I often questioned “how could he bless others and not me”. The worst thing I could I have questioned, was his existence.

How many of you can relate to any of this? You see, no one barely knew what I going through. They seen a smile on my face but deep down I was battling something dark inside (depression). I understand not wanting to tell people your problems because some will only gossip about you rather than pray for you. But just know God is there. Open up and talk to him. You alone do not have the power to defeat depression. I want you to know that God loves you and cares for you. It is okay to let go of the situation that is keeping you down and let God handle it. Depression and anxiety stems from not having control over your situation. If you were meant to have all the control, then you wouldn’t need God. But the truth is, we all need him if you want to admit it or not.

There are two things that helped me during that dark time. One was a conversation with my mom when she told me “Monique, what are you worrying about?”. Then she began asking “you still have your apartment, your car that’s paid for with gas in the tank, food in your fridge, clothes and shoes in the closet?”, the answer was yes to all of them. Then she replied “you are more blessed than what you think”. The thing is, I didn’t see all that, I only seen what I didn’t have (job/money). Don’t get me wrong, my parents have always had my back and always there when I needed them, but the old me didn’t like asking for help. Asking for help made me feel weak and not in control. That was pride getting in the way and pride is a problem. It is actually considered one of the seven deadly sins, so be careful of having a prideful spirit.

The second thing that helped me was a quote I wrote in my bible. “If you are going to worry, then don’t pray. If you are going to pray then don’t worry. Trust me when I say, those two sentences have more power in them then you may think.

Truthfully told, I thank God for letting me go through what I did. Before I was “miss independent that is in control of all things considering myself”. But God taught me different along the way. What I gained in place of that pride was humility. I am nothing without God and apart from Christ, I can do nothing. There is not a day go by that I don’t talk to the Lord and ask for his help on something. I give him all the credit for all that I have in my life right now.

Anxiety

Now lets talk a little bit about anxiety. There are some of us that suffer with severe anxiety, mild anxiety or just don’t have any anxiety. I have been in the middle. I’m usually not an overly anxious person at all. The only time I actually experience anxiety is at work when I feel like I don’t know something that I should know or have made a unfixable mistake; which is never the case in reality. My peers never know because I would look calm on the outside, but inside I would be battling self-doubt. When that happens, I would quietly leave my desk, go in the restroom and pray and remind myself of who I am. I am a child of God that can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I remind myself that God always gives grace for our place and would not put me in a position that I can’t handle.

I want you all to know that God is for you not against you. Even when you are not there for yourself, he is still there for you. Stop believing the lies you are being fed in your mind: That God doesn’t love you, that you are not good or smart enough, that you will never get ahead in life, that you will never be happy again, that you can do life without God. Those are all lies. No matter what you are going through, he still loves you and wants the best for you. He is waiting on you to let go and let him have control. And while you’re letting go of those situations that is holding you hostage, ask him to create in you a clean heart and renew a loyal spirit within you. Your spiritual journey will be just that…a journey. Things won’t change overnight, but keep seeking God and let him have control. You’ll see your life becoming better and you’ll feel much lighter.

2014-2020

Before I end this , I would like to add that during the time of me searching and searching for a job, one finally called me that was for me. Good ole DG. Yea yea..I know some people may think “what’s so special about Dollar General, its just a little ole retail job?”. People actually do look down on retail workers and fast food workers, but that job was for me from God and anything that comes from the One who provides is never small. While working at DG, I went back to school to get a degree in Business. I worked there from 2014-2017 and when God knew I couldn’t grow no more there, he moved me to a job within the banking industry. Fast forward to 2020, I created Girl On A Mission Blog, which will someday become a business by the grace of God. As the scripture says “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose”. – Romans 8:28

Thank you all for reading and I hope my experiences with depression and anxiety can help those in need. For those of you that have not experienced them, but know people that are right now, please share. Let’s help loosen the chains that is holding them bound.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

Subscribe below to get Girl On A Mission blog posts sent to your inbox.